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Spiritual Confusion

  /   Saturday December 14, 2002  

I am going to tail one of my recent posts a bit, but I really lament the lack of good spiritual formation available. Yeah, I know I can go and read. Believe me, I do. However, I want something that will give me the big picture and help me apply it to my life. There are even things that I know that I forget to live.

For example, take the topic of suffering. Some things that I have read make it sound like the more you suffer, the holier you are. At my last confession, the priest told me that my calling is likely what I enjoy and feel comfortable doing. If I enjoyed working in a soup kitchen, then that is likely something that God called me to. When reading St. Frances de Sales, my patron, he seems to make a point to say that things that you don’t enjoy are more meritorious.

The other issue is something that I have posted a few times on this blog. I had one priest tell me that “The only thing that Jesus was intolerant of was intolerance.” I believe that statement was a bunch of malarkey, and I have a hard time trusting that priest nowadays. Another priest said “Always say positive things about people.” Sounds great until you realize that sometimes it doesn’t correspond to the reality that one has to deal with. Two other priests said that we do indeed need to say things that may be offensive, but one made a point to tell me to do it out of love.

Then, there is the subject of assertiveness. How defensive should one be of one’s own rights? One school of thought says not to defend yourself against an accusation unless it would cause scandal. St. Frances de Sales said that you have a right to defend your reputation. However, looking further into this, what if I want to demand more pay (or a bonus) from my employer. I don’t really need more money, but I think I have done something to earn it (e.g. traveled to Nashville).

Yes, I know I should pray. I at least try to. It still is hard to deal with the seeming contradiction. This is why I wish I could just go away somewhere for a year and receive authentic formation on how to live as a Christian in the world. I have studied much and do know things, but applying them is still difficult.

Category: Posts imported from Danger! Falling Brainwaves, Uncategorized



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