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Predictions for 2003

  /   Tuesday December 31, 2002  

Now that 2002 is already coming to an end (It went by so fast.), I must offer my Catholic predictions for 2003:

The authors of Environment and Art in Catholic Worship will reveal their identities and make the following statement: “We were just kidding about all of that. We had no idea that people would take us so seriously. Why didn’t people notice what a joke all of this was when they read it?” The document will go down as the greatest liturgical prank in the history of the Church.

A “Vatican spokesperson” will emerge and say that Pope John Paul II, weary of waiting for ICEL to give us a decent translation of the Missal, is engaging in talks with the Mafia to have them enforce translation deadlines. The Vatican officials will deny this statement.

The group named “We Are Church” will be excommunicated. The media will misread the order and show headlines such as “Catholic Church Excommunicates Itself.”

Several “progressive” groups will come out of the closet and admit that they have been secretly worshipping deities named “The Times” and “The Modern Age.” They will explain that moral standards changed when “The Times” changed into “The Modern Age.” When asked who created the world, a spokesperson will say, “Well, we created our gods.” A breakaway group, disatistifed with the other “progressive” groups, will be marketing “Create Your Own Deity” kits to be sold in toy stores.

Oregon Catholic Press will sue the Vatican clamining it owns the copyright to the Sacred Liturgy. They will demand that the Vatican pay them a royalty every time Mass is celebrated.

A bishop who will remain nameless will sue Frs. Richard McBrien and Andrew Greeley for slander, stating that they have misrepresented the Catholic faith.

Category: Posts imported from Danger! Falling Brainwaves, Uncategorized



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